Oh boy, has this been a week. It started out great, with getting that awesome deal on our kitchen cabinets (Knotty maple cabinets, granite countertops, white Kohler double sink and Moen faucet for $250. They have been going for more than $1000 for just the cabinets!) on Monday. We were thrilled about that.
We have been trying to find a screaming deal on a newer car for us prior to our 18 year old jeep totally quitting on us, so there was this really good deal from BYU on a 2004 Toyota Camry that we were bidding on. We bid on Wednesday, would find out on Friday morning whether we got it or not.
On Thursday was our introductory adoption meeting at LDS Family Services to start adoption procedures through them. Meanwhile, we have done initial testing to find out why we can't seem to get pregnant on our own, and we are still going through it. Fun stuff.
After the adoption meeting on Thursday, I was at home figuring our finances when Corey called me to tell me that he had just been laid off. This started the bitter downward spiral of my weekend. Yes, he gets a severance package, he got his final paycheck that day, and we no longer have to deal with the incompetent individuals that somehow have managed to ruin every employees' life who works there. Needless to say, Thursday was a day to forget, yet, how could I? This started a whole lot of other problems, many of which might seem like nothing to be concerned about, but to me is the end of the line, discussed later on. Because I am desperate to get my house done, extremely tired of not enjoying life there because of the constant remodeling, I had found kitchen appliances (a black wall oven/microwave combo and gas cooktop with a hood for $200) at a killer deal, so we went and purchased them that night. What a way to finish the day!
Friday morning, we found out that we did not get the car, maybe a blessing, we'll see.
Saturday morning we met Jerry (Corey's dad) and went and picked up our new cabinets, granite counter tops, sink, and faucet. We unloaded them, and then watched and/or listened to conference while cleaning and working on the house.
Sunday, we continued working on the house while paying attention to conference in the background. Tons of good talks, most of which I thought focused on us just being better people towards others and for ourselves. Great words to live by, still bitter about life to totally get it for myself yet. Maybe when I read the hard copies in November.
So, you may ask, why am I so dang upset about it? Well, in order to adopt a child, you actually need to prove you are financially responsible. Corey, being the guy, I feel should be the one to work out of the home, while allowing me, the girl, to be a stay at home mom, money permitting (I am not opposed to working part-time or working out of my home if necessary, just don't want to be the main one bringing in the dough.). Because Corey has been applying at numerous jobs, getting phone interviews only with nothing else, it makes me nervous that he will be able to resume his role as the money guy anytime soon. It probably will change the fact that we can/can't afford to adopt, and there went the stability of finishing the house prior to the Christmas holidays (or around there anyway, which was our goal), getting out of debt, and my chance to stay at home with a little child immediately.
Still some of you may wonder what I am so bothered with? For those of you lucky enough to get pregnant without help, you do not understand the pain of waiting month after month for the telltale signs of pregnancy or not, being told to 'just don't worry about it and it will happen'. I have endured many years of this, while watching others get pregnant without really trying or wanting to be, and then I still am not. It does not cost those of you who easily get pregnant on your own nearly as much as it does to get infertility help or to adopt. Once you "horribly" fertile people get pregnant, you only have to pay for baby supplies and needs. I am so lucky that I get to pay for the infertility treatments, the pregnancy, the miscarriages, and then on the chance that I do stay pregnant, the constant worry of losing it, topped with the baby supplies and needs. For me and those others who suffer from this horrible problem, it never stops. The longing for one of your own is just so strong sometimes. Add this to the fact that I have already had a healthy baby, but now I cannot. It's just one of life's horrible, cruel, and sad ironies that I get handed.
This is not made any harder being around other people's children. Corey and I sit faithfully every week at church with a sister in the ward whose husband sits on the stand, and she has a 2 year old and a 1 year old, with another on the way. We could not be happier for them. I always gravitate towards the children and babies in a group because they are just so precious. I don't have a problem being around them, just want one of my own to add to the fun mix of those cute kids already out there. I don't love my own nieces or nephews any less because I don't have one of my own, instead, I look forward to spoiling them with so much love and material things.
This week is looking up. Corey applied for unemployment, is considering changing careers altogether (thank you goes to the Children's Museum. Slightly sarcastic, slightly honest.), and we nearly got one entire room re-painted and trim put up. We got so much done this weekend that my coat closet actually has coats hanging from the rod, our church bags are on the floor in the closet where they belong, and two different, brightly colored bins (Corey's box is lime green, mine is hot pinkish.) in which our winter hats and gloves will be stored are on the shelf. We nearly got the windows ready to cover for winter (old house, lots of cracks near window openings). Our immediate goal for the upcoming week is to finish the living room prior to my Wednesday evening presidency meeting. It should be easier since there is not a closet in there! So, because Corey no longer has to go to work at the worst place to work at, he has lots of time to finish our house quicker.
We still are looking for a dishwasher, will need to find more base cabinets in order to have our kitchen how I want to, but they will be far cheaper to add to what we have than start fresh, and need to decide what to have our countertops made out of (corian, granite, laminate cheap stuff from Lowe's/Home Depot), and then install everything. Still lots of work, made cheaper by our good scavenging skills.
8 years ago
3 comments:
Liz, I know how you feel about infertility. It's so frustrating to watch your money go down the drain month after month of unsuccessful treatments. It may not be helpful, but know that the lord has a reason for his timing. I always struggled with that myself. Maybe I'm not patient enough, or maybe He's always had something better in mind for me than I could imagine, but it was hard to accept that what I wanted I wasn't going to get.
You will make it through, and something will come along that is right for you and for Corey. You are in our prayers.
I feel for you so much Liz! I am going to call you this week, you have so much going on!
Liz,
I think that our Lord has a special blessing awaiting for you.
Sometimes it is difficult to understand why things happen. I also know that we are all ready to give you the support you need. I know that none of us can understand your pain but we try through your words. "You are strong and will make it through" like your friend said.
I understand completely the situation you and Corey have, with him loosing his job. We are currently in that same situation. I know that Corey will get a job and things will be better for you guys. We pray for you all the time.
Kevin and Susie
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