Update on our kids

Many of you know that Corey and I have been struggling to have our own kids. It gets old watching people who have gotten married years after us already have a family, some with no problem, others with their own different set of problems, but regardless, they are able to add to their family while we are not. To say the least, it is quite infuriating, depressing, stressful, and emotionally challenging, all while feeling happy that others can have what we want most. No, we do not feel jealous, just left out of that joy. To try to get through it all, we both try to stay busy and not focus on kids. That is probably the most difficult part of it.

A little history of us and our medical journey through trying to have a child. We got pregnant in April of 2006 by surprise, but were excited and extremely happy about it, but then on Memorial Day a few short weeks later, I had a miscarriage. We didn't even get the chance to tell many people that I was pregnant. The process made us realize that we were ready for kids to come to our family. I still had school to finish, but others could handle both, so why couldn't we? Month after month of trying and nothing. My older sister called to say she was pregnant and shortly after my sister-in-law announced her pregnancy. They were both pregnant with their first. Right before Christmas 2006, I found out I was pregnant again, and called my doctor's office and because of my previous miscarriage they got me in sooner than normal. I told even fewer people about this pregnancy. At the 9 week ultrasound, there was no heartbeat, so I was told that it was best to wait and see if my body would miscarry on its own or if the following week the heartbeat would be detected. The ultrasound was on a Friday right before the semester started, and the following Wednesday, the third day of school, I started miscarrying. I couldn't have asked for a more supportive professor, who sent me home immediately, and between my doctor, Corey, and I, we made the decision to surgically remove everything so nothing was left inside (a potentially harmful thing as it can turn cancerous). I had surgery on Thursday and was back in school, trying to stay busy Friday. Meanwhile, everyone around me was adding to their families. Not us.

Turn the time forward to September of 2008. I was done with school, working, and we had been trying to get pregnant on our own for nearly two years with no positive results. That also meant no horrible miscarriages either. We decided to get a new doctor in Salt Lake as the drive to Logan wasn't necessary any longer. I chose a doctor who was great for one of my friends. I went in for my initial appointment, discussed our conceiving problems with her, and we set a course of action. Corey had a more specific semen analysis done and I had an HSG performed. It was painful, but many people get pregnant after having one, so I was optimistic. It basically is an x-ray of my female organs to see if there are any blockages or problems. Everything checked out fine, but I was in pain for weeks after. Small price to pay if it worked, right? My doctor had said that after this test and if I was still not pregnant, we would get a prescription for Clomid. This is a fertility drug, in pill format. I did not get pregnant after the test, so went in for this prescription.

The course she wanted me to take was pills, at the same time as having an IUI. An IUI is intrauterine insemination. I had to pee on sticks to find out my ovulation day, Corey had to give his sample of semen and his sample would be washed and cleaned of all unnecessary additions and then it would be injected in my uterus. I had no idea the cost and had not discussed this with Corey, so I told my doctor that for the first month at least, I would be just interested in taking the Clomid and seeing if it took without the other medical procedure because we weren't sure what we could afford at this point. I was still working, yet Corey had gotten laid off. She then asked me if I could even afford to have kids then, and started closing up my file like we were done. I assured her that I wanted kids, and she then told me that my chances of getting pregnant increased by having this procedure. I told her that I wanted kids, but that I would need to discuss all the options with Corey before moving on. She then asked me how bad I wanted kids, like I was supposed to go to every effort to have them, regardless of cost. I left with my prescription and some vague idea of what I was supposed to do if I chose to do the IUI (I think she had given up on me so wasn't terribly worried if I understood everything for the prep of that procedure.) and that was my last visit. This was in October.

Since then, lots has happened, but no pregnancy yet. I took two months of Clomid, but then got too stressed out trying to finish our kitchen that I just needed some time off. You might be then questioning if we are ready and want them. Yes, that hasn't changed, but since we need help, we can still sort of control when kids come. Now things have slowed down, with the exception that I am the only one still working and Corey is still looking for work. A whole different source of stress, and because I want to be a stay at home mom, we are being patient. However, we also really want kids, so we are going to start the process again.

I decided that after my last appointment with my lovely and supportive doctor that I would switch. She works in a clinic with other doctors, so I thought it would be easy to switch. I called the middle of February for an appointment with one of her colleagues, who came highly reccommended. I was told that there would need to be a transfer, and that it would need to be approved. Are you kidding? Can't I just make an appointment? Nope, and the nurse will be calling you back. Monday, March 2nd, I still hadn't heard anything so I called again, and didn't start out with the information that I wanted to switch doctors, hoping that it would be easier to make an appointment. Nope, they asked me if I have been there before, and I couldn't lie so I had to say that I had been seeing another doctor. She said something again about a transfer, and then I said that it should already be in the process of transferring as I had called about two weeks prior. She said she would have the nurse (of which doctor, I don't know) call me. I waited all day. Nothing!!! I was done.

I already had decided to call my doctor's office in Logan to get my records sent down to me, so I started the process at this clinic as well. My doctor in Logan has been my absolute favorite. Before we moved, I asked him if he would consider re-locating a little further south. He didn't go for it. I sent him so many referrals that I should be getting a cut of his pay by now! My current doctor's office said they would fax the authorization of release of records form to me on Tuesday, the 3rd. NOTHING. I waited all day. I had still had it, but needed to be patient a little longer so I could get all my records. I called them on Wednesday (yesterday) morning, and politely, yet very firmly told them what I needed. She sent the fax, and while she was on the phone, had said that there might be a charge for the release of these records. I didn't say anything, but thought to myself that they weren't getting another penny from me. When I got the form, I filled it out, and sure enough, on the bottom of the page, there was a note that stated it could cost $25-50. Ridiculous!! Nope, not paying it. My name, my records and without me, they wouldn't exist. I called and told them that I would not be paying for anything else at their office and why. The receptionist said they probably wouldn't charge me. Later on, still yesterday, they called back saying that my most recent records would be available for me to pick up anytime. I was puzzled. I wanted my entire record, I wanted the test information that this doctor had made me go through, and everything that had gone on to take to my new doctor to get better treatment and not repeat procedures. No big deal yet, so no worries. I faxed the form in so that they would have my signature authorizing the release of the information, and it also had my address on there of where I wanted the records sent. Today, the 5th, I get a phone call stating that they received my fax and asking if I wanted them to go ahead and mail them to me. I ask them to please do so as I work the same hours as their office is open, and this week it will be hard to get away. She says they'll get it out, and I ask what exactly they are sending. She states that the most recent records of my most recent visit. I say, no, I want everything, as in a copy of my complete record. Everything they have on me. It shouldn't be a lot, as I only went to them for 2 months! I say that I indicated it on my fax that I wanted my entire record, and she hesitantly says that yes, she sees that and they'll see what they can do. I am going to have to call them in a few days if it is not complete. They don't know how good of memory I have for dates, procedures, etc. I am glad that this is coming to an end soon!!

Meanwhile, we still are not pregnant, and we now need a new doctor. I still want to go to an OB/GYN, yet do not know who else is good in the Salt Lake area. If it was even possible, I would go back up to Logan. He had a good bedside manner and worked with me. If you have any suggestions, let me know!!!

On a related side note. This process of medical records has me feeling two different ways. Yes I am grateful that they don't release my records to just anyone, but why won't they release them to me. Without me being their patient, these records wouldn't exist, yet they protect them even against me. I have no intention of doing anything to them other than taking them to my new doctor, whomever that may be, so that they may have a more complete medical history from a reliable source (Yes, I still trust this former doctor. She may not have been right for Corey and I, but she's still able to help many families, and therefore I don't want to discredit her in any way.), not counting on me to say what I have been through and what the results of numerous different tests were.

No other news to report. Sorry if it was too much information, but I just feel like I needed to inform everyone of what's going on.